New Relationships & Expectations
It is easy to be self-serving, to seek that which we want and not give much thought to what we have to give and whether it is suitable for the person we want to mount expectations upon… I am not innocent to this, I know for a long haul I lived in a state of expectation but even as I say this, it is not that I would be a dormant partner. I would subconsciously give of my self, sometimes way too much compared to what I would have received in a given space of time. Then I would end up with a broken heart. So I have listed 5 rules or guidelines to save yourself an unnecessary heartache in your quest for love.
Normally a man comes around to seek your time and asks to spend time with you by asking you out on a date and so on, and what happens is if it is a guy we like we try to impress him more. Why? He came to knock on your door, let him prove himself to you according to what you are looking for. Play your cards really close to your chest. Be yourself at this moment and take it easy. Leave him to wonder about your level of interest in him. The longer you take to let him in the more he is going to try and pull the stops to impress you. What we call courtship. This is one of the best times at the beginning of a possible relationship. If he is not putting in much effort when you show subtle interest then he may just be playing around. Just like an open post that needs to be filled… recruitment team takes time to find one who is qualified for that post, so don’t just hire. Qualify them not by their words but by their actions after the words have been spoken. A woman can sell her soul to a man just because of a promise he may make to her today, which may never be fulfilled in time. Just don’t be gullible.
Take your time
To know someone’s intentions give them plenty of time to prove themselves. If they just want to hit it they would not hang around too long because there are loads of girls around who are not looking for anything serious to get that sort of attention from. If you are looking for a guy who is gonna know you and understand you enough to want to serve you then you really wanna be sure before you throw yourself at him. We all want that guy who is for us, who will guard your heart but how will he guard your heart if he doesn’t know what it takes for it to beat. By taking your time he works harder to win you over and once a guy has worked so hard for something he is not going to want to let it go so easily. Don’t feel rushed worrying he will lose interest because the opposite is true. If you rush then later discover his true intentions were not to serve you that will be heartbreaking we learn through experience but too many bad experiences with matters of the heart will be too much to bear then, in the end, you will hate the whole male species, because you had not qualified them or take your time for them to know you and you to know them.
Ask the Right Questions
One thing that we tend to do is ask what a guy is looking for… (rolling my eyes to that) he came to you and now you want to qualify yourself for his post he already knows in his head that you are the type of girl he could see himself with. Guys don’t just approach without calculation. Man are visual and they are normally looking for someone who they see themselves with, and intern someone they can serve but we don’t know that. The right questions to ask would be what he has to give what sort of person he is then when he tells you in the period of taking your time you are putting the words to action and see for your self if he was just telling you lies and yes men lie so do women especially when we are asked what we have to offer. Of cause, he is going to say all the nice things. If he ever asks you what you have to offer, never answer that question by the way you not going to give him the blueprint to your heart or what you have to offer. That will kill the fun. Men want something to keep coming back to therefore it is best for a woman to prolong the mystery. That is when you hear a guy saying there is something about her.. “I just can’t figure her out” so they stay interested in something of that kind.
Be a Mystery
A mystery is alluring, it captivates one’s soul and can amplify the levels of interest in someone. Ever hung around a girl who seems so confident and you would love to be her best friend but she is one of those private people you feel like you know her but there are things about her life you just can’t
touch? You will look at her differently to some extent have respect for her because not a lot of people can keep things private. When something seems outside your reach it becomes more interesting. The same way you should be with a man. Even when he has got you as his girl always maintain a level of mystery about you… have something you don’t share with him it can be anything as long as it to increase curiosity and attraction and not to endanger chances of him liking you. For example, have /set your little but cute boundaries. As long as they are not going to make the other person feel unwanted or make you seem creepy. The aim is to avoid being too common or used to each other. When a man feels like he knows you too well he will start to sideline you. I would give an example of not seeing each other every day. Without mentioning the intention because he will just catch on to it… or not talk on the phone every day have days when you are not reachable… while you are qualifying him and taking your time, this creates more attraction and when you see each other he will treasure that time you spare for him.
Set standards for yourself that would keep you in check. If you are not sure what your standards are, look at the past relationships and list the things that you didn’t quite like but because you liked or loved that person you would do the things that would make you feel ill after, just to make them happy. Make that your starting point, people will test you to see how much they can get away with and when you haven’t got any standards chances are high that you will fall for anything. Have something you stand for but without imposing your standards on anyone if there is no way of having them met always find a way out of something you don’t stand for by saying NO. People that say NO to things they don’t want to do normally get more respect than people who always say yes because then, you will be seen as easy or perhaps a butt kisser. A guy or anyone for that matter will respect you more when you have standards. Sometimes you may feel like bending your own rules that is fine too. Just don’t say Yes to someone when you are saying No to yourself.
- Remember to Qualify them and never try too hard for them because they will think you are desperate for a relationship
- Take your time, allow yourself the time and opportunity to know if you really want them in your life based on what you know about them and not what you imagine they could be
- Ask the right questions don’t pour a list of expectations because that’s unattractive and you risk to be played because you have given them the key to winning you over based on the act that you asked them to perform unnaturally
- Be a Mystery, don’t get boring by revealing too much too soon you may just open yourself up too deep and that could put him off. Relax no one is going anywhere if they really like you
- Set those standards, if you don’t stand for anything you may fall for anything. Stay true to yourself by keeping you happy first always say yes to yourself. Don’t force your heart when it isn’t willing to participate.